Jobsworth!

 Get this...... I got on the train at Lewisham Station and swiped my Oyster card because I'm not a fare evader, but then when I got to Dartford, there were no Oyster card swipers to be seen for me to get out of the station. 

 I approached a most unapproachable looking station guard and told him of my plight to which he said, well I have to give you a fine of £20.

Sorry, What?

"But I'm not from here", I pleaded. " I'm Australian."

"Can you prove that?" he asked

"Well, I'm not putting this accent on." I said showing him my driver's licence

"But you've got a British one too." He responded, peering into my purse

"I used to live here, but I don't anymore and I've never been to Dartford before." I lied

Next to me, there was already a man being fined for the same crime.  Having the wrong ticket.  Not NO ticket, just the wrong type.  So my guard said, "Well, I don't know what to do with you now, cause he's getting a fine, so it's not fair if I don't give you one."

I suggested that the fine was stupid and unfair and that the fair thing to do would be to not give either of us fines.

Alas the other guard had already started writing on his fine pad and everybody knows that once you start writing, you're not allowed to stop or else...... I don't know, what happens?

Even the man being fined was pleading with them to not give me the fine.  "She didn't know.  She's not even from here."  But it fell on completely deaf ears.

After much discussion, and debate on the subject I paid the man on the proviso that the money go towards making Dartford an Oyster friendly station and the guard told me to take it up with Boris Johnson, the Major or London.

"It's not my fault, take it up with the London Major!" quote Dartford Guard

So I got home and immediately emailed Boris' office about the matter and they had already replied by the morning saying that they were sorry for my experience and that they would gladly refund the £7.20 that was taken from my Oyster card.

The discussion is still ongoing about whether I'm refunded the £20.  They keep "forgetting" to acknowledge that part of my email.